Abuse takes on many forms: physical and emotional are just two. Many women (and children) suffer from abuse too often, and it takes a huge toll on their lives. When it comes to abuse, there is a range. Some end up dead, while others live quiet lives just trying to forget. Some can escape the horror, while others are not so lucky.
Meet Rachael:
Like most girls, she dreamed of one day marrying a man who would make her dreams come true. She was (still is) a beautiful girl: pretty, smart, and fun to be around. Her senior year of high school, she was the homecoming queen, and she had great potential for college.
During her senior year, a young man came home from serving a two-year mission for his church. Typically, you look at that type of guy and think, "Wow, he has got to be a keeper." When this attractive young man started paying attention to Rachael and asked her on dates, she accepted. He charmed her. They dated most of her senior year, and were married the following summer. Unfortunately, this dream became a nightmare.
Rachael gave me the opportunity to share her story.
When things like this happen, it is not pretty. We want other young women to learn from what she experienced and see the red flags that could stop this from happening.
(Red flags= controlling, anger management issues, hitting, manipulative)
As I photographed Rachael, she read from her journal to better tell the story.
Rachael endured a lot. He treated her completely different than what she was accustomed to in her home growing up, what she knew was right. However, the way he treated her was a similar manner to how his dad treated his own mom. While Rachael and he were dating, he promised her he would never hit her. That promise didn't last long.
When Rachael discovered she was pregnant, he told her she would be the worst mother in the world and that if their child had any problems, it would be her fault.
"Don't ever tell a woman she will be the worst mother in the world.
That is the worst thing you could say."
That is the worst thing you could say."
Eventually, what helped her escape the marriage was the thought of her future child. "I was not raised in that kind of environment, and I knew I could not raise my child with him." Thoughts of her child helped her gain the courage to escape. She knew that if her child was a boy, he would grow up to be like his father. On the other hand, if it was a girl, she would be treated the same way her mother (Rachael) was treated. Rachael was not going to let either of those happen and finally found the courage to file for a divorce. The memory of when she finally told him she was leaving is heartbreaking. He acted like he didn't care at all. He said okay, put on his hat, and walked out.
To onlookers of their relationship, it may seem like common sense that you would file for divorce. However, when you are in a manipulative relationship, it's not that easy. Not only was he manipulative, but their religion played a huge role in her wanting to stay. In her religion, marriage is not only considered binding on earth, it is a covenant you make with God as well. She was taking the covenant seriously, and the thought of breaking that covenant made her feel guilty. She frequently had thoughts questioning whether or not she had given her marriage everything she could to save it. Those thoughts tormented her for some time after the divorce as well.
The divorce probably saved many bad things from happening. Had she not escaped the marriage, her life would still be miserable. And her son may have grown up to be like him, which would affect his future family and many people unborn.
"Being in the hospital to give birth was the happiest time."
However, down the road the dad started regretting the decision to give up all rights of custody, and essentially started stalking Rachael and her baby. Eventually, they moved to Texas to live with her aunt, uncle, and their family to escape the life happening in Missouri.
Meet Jonathan: a sweet and active little boy who has grown up without a dad. His male role models have been his grandpa, great-grandpa, and great-uncle.
Being a single-mom is hard. It's hard to make ends meet. For a long time, Rachael was unable to attend college because she needed to work. Her time was split between making money for her little family and trying to spend quality time with her son. She was unable to date much, due to time constraints on her home life. She did date a few guys, but past experiences caused her to be very cautious. Trust issues have been her biggest red flag. She still needed time to heal.
They now live in Provo. This is their home.
This is Jonathan's closet. It consists of way less toys than the average three-year old.
However, he lives in a home full of love.
Rachael and Jonathan spend a lot of time together having fun.
Rachael has taught Jonathan many life-skills. Raising a child by yourself, especially when you have to work to make ends meet, is hard to do. She desperately wanted Jonathan to have a good life and learn good values. This image, Rachael teaching Jonathan to ride a bike, is symbolic of many things. First of all, because she got out of her previous marriage, she has the opportunity to raise him as she wants him to be. She is his training wheels. As a mother, she is responsible to get him up on his feet and help him through life. At some point (when he is a teenager), she will take the training wheels off and let him fly. Until then, parents help their children keep their balance and learn the skills necessary to succeed.
As an active three-year old, Jonathan loves to play tag.
Rachael is a willing sport to play outside with him.
Rachael is currently engaged to a great man. Every night, Jonathan prays to God, asking that He will help his mom and Eric get married (so Eric doesn't have to go home at night. And so Eric can finally be his daddy). Rachael has tried to tell Jonathan (in simple ways that a three year old can kind of understand) about his birth father. But when Jonathan saw the picture, he said, "No, that's not my daddy. My Eric is going to be my daddy." Eric has been a great role model for Jonathan, and he loves him dearly. Their family has certainly been blessed.
